Up in smoke

The other day I refused to sell cigarettes to a girl who was still wearing her school uniform. I should probably have just served her and let natural selection take its course, but a tiny part of me held out hope that with the right guidance she might, one day, overcome her intellectual shortcomings. About … Continue reading Up in smoke

Laugh lines

Coles Express attracts all types of oddbods. Myself, for example, or the customer that comes in to work at the same time every Saturday morning to buy a copy of the West Australian, a coffee and a cheese and ham sandwich. He is an older gentleman with a bad combover and worse teeth. If I … Continue reading Laugh lines

Culture Shock

Our family lived in Canada for three years between 1987-1990. It was fun and all, but I think my parents could’ve done more to ensure us kids had a smoother reintegration into Australian life. They were fine (for anyone over 30, three years is about the length of a coke commercial) but for us kids, … Continue reading Culture Shock

Child’s play

My hypothetical children have impeccable manners, always do as they’re told, and sleep a solid eight hours every night. They get me up for a cooked breakfast and after I’ve disciplined them, they thank me for the salutary influence I have on their young lives. They are good, but there’s still room for improvement. I … Continue reading Child’s play

Meat and two veg

Working at a petrol station at the age of 35 may have eroded what remaining self-esteem I have, but it’s also yielded some excellent comedic material. The kind of stuff you can’t learn at university. It’s one thing, for example, to know that the dominant theory of humour in philosophy is currently the Incongruity model … Continue reading Meat and two veg

Love Thy Neighbour

I was revisiting Robert Frost’s poem, “Mending Wall” the other day, and though I’d always thought of that guy, the one that’s lumbering round his yard screening out his neighbour stone by stone, as a hard-boiled misanthropist who probably lived with his mum well into his forties, I can kind of see his point now, … Continue reading Love Thy Neighbour