The other day I refused to sell cigarettes to a girl who was still wearing her school uniform. I should probably have just served her and let natural selection take its course, but a tiny part of me held out hope that with the right guidance she might, one day, overcome her intellectual shortcomings. About … Continue reading Up in smoke
Our family lived in Canada for three years between 1987-1990. It was fun and all, but I think my parents could’ve done more to ensure us kids had a smoother reintegration into Australian life. They were fine (for anyone over 30, three years is about the length of a coke commercial) but for us kids, … Continue reading Culture Shock
My hypothetical children have impeccable manners, always do as they’re told, and sleep a solid eight hours every night. They get me up for a cooked breakfast and after I’ve disciplined them, they thank me for the salutary influence I have on their young lives. They are good, but there’s still room for improvement. I … Continue reading Child’s play
I’ve discovered scary movies late in life: I still don’t love the ones where people’s heads are being used as punch bowls, but I don’t mind the occasional (tasteful) blood bath. This doesn’t sound that earth-shattering unless you appreciate that my childhood aversion to horror movies was less a dislike than a full-blown mental disorder. All my neuroses, I like to … Continue reading The Shining? Grade Seven? Really?