letter to the loaf

I was thinking about a new blog category entitled ‘letters to…’ This was one I wrote to meatloaf a few months ago – I still haven’t heard back.

Dear Meatloaf,

Eighteen years ago, I bought one of the all-time classics of American rock; namely your 1993 masterpiece “Anything for Love.” Though the sentiments expressed in this love song remain unsurpassed in beauty, straddling the precipice between naivety and searing insight into the human condition, the question on our collective lips remains: what is this “thing” that would nullify your pledge to, and I quote, “do anything for love.”

Perhaps it is cleaning the toilet. I myself have an aversion to domestic duties, particularly when it involves ablutions! LOL!

My other guess is that your muse likes to address you as Beefcake instead of Meatloaf in public. I understand that this kind of undermining does you no favours career-wise, particularly considering your corpulence. I suggest a rigorous exercise regime, coupled with a healthy diet so that such jibes will appear irrelevant, or, alternatively, a continuation of the above clause.

If it something else – (perhaps of a more sinister nature) – enlighten me. I’m sure we can find a compromise so that your song writing can continue to go from strength to strength.

I look forward to your upcoming single – I would do anything for love. Even “that.”

Your loyal follower,

Ps. The above photo populated on Google images when I entered your name. I hope the culprit is enjoying his mobility – busted kneecaps generally result in the opposite.