I’m always amazed at the difference between my pre and post flight self, particularly on long hauls. Before boarding I’m optimistic, chipper even, remembering only the highlights – new releases, my own butler, the free toothbrush. Once I’m around six hours in, those pleasant memories are revealed for the lie they are. The food’s not … Continue reading Come fly with me
The other day I refused to sell cigarettes to a girl who was still wearing her school uniform. I should probably have just served her and let natural selection take its course, but a tiny part of me held out hope that with the right guidance she might, one day, overcome her intellectual shortcomings. About … Continue reading Up in smoke
My heart sinks whenever I get one of these invitations in the mail. Sinks. I don’t know what that says about me, but I think I’d rather get stoned to death with tictacs than have to go to one more. The worst thing about admitting that … Continue reading Bub Crawl.
If auto predict is anything to go by, 95% of the population is gay and the remaining 5% is in denial. Write “is” and then a letter from the alphabet (see above) and bar pretty much the letter X – weird, because Xena, Warrior Princess has … Continue reading Yes. Kind of. No. Who?
So the brother of a friend of mine – ok, some guy I know – enjoys walking past girls wearing those sheer black stockings posing as pants and mumbling “not pants” as he passes them. While his work in the field is commendable, given the time … Continue reading Maybe they were on to something.
I passed three of them yesterday – all as talented as tree stumps. One was dancing badly to George Michael, another one was balancing a plastic sword on her head that was thick and flat – more like a hat, and a sitar player who was playing to backing tracks. BACKING TRACKS. I shouldn’t be bagging … Continue reading Buskers are the new beggars