So the brother of a friend of mine – ok, some guy I know – enjoys walking past girls wearing those sheer black stockings posing as pants and mumbling “not pants” as he passes them. While his work in the field is commendable, given the time … Continue reading Maybe they were on to something.
I’ve counted so many sheep in vain over the last few years that I can’t drive by a paddock without yelling out stuff like ‘Rammstein is my least favourite band’ or ‘why don’t you count me’ or ‘I’ll be having one of you in a kebab tomorrow, and I’ll … Continue reading Lucky doer
I bought a 2009 Holden Astra last Friday. It’s by far the most reckless thing I’ve done this year apart from hitting a Volvo in mum’s car a few weeks ago. She told me she was just glad that I was alive, but her eyes went kind … Continue reading untitled – it’s so postmodern
For those of you who came in late – old jungle saying – I’m going to be a student again. I left a trail of destruction at the Kmart back to school sale – totally owned a posse of eight year olds to get to those pens with four colours … Continue reading Saved by the bell
There are a few instruments lying around this joint that I’ve never used. One’s a guitar I bought two years ago; positive Tommy Emmanuel would soon be eating my dust. I know three chords max, so he’s safe (for now). I had to drive all the way to Alexander Heights to get … Continue reading If you’re feeling impulsive, remember that the world could always use an extra tambourinist
Just cos. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! I’ve split the readers (two of them, anyway) straight down the middle, right where I want them. Contentious topic equals more traffic – more traffic equals greater self esteem. Take that Dr Phil. I don’t need your show every weekday at 12pm. (FYI I … Continue reading Don’t trip over my segue
At the risk of alienating 2.5 of my 5 readers, I thought it was time someone stood up for the humble cat. Check out this list: They don’t smell They don’t bark They wash themselves They’re not needy. It’s creepy enough when people are clingy, let alone animals … Continue reading why cats are cooler than dogs
A few months ago, I bought a massage voucher from Scoopon – a site that sells cheap goods/services in exchange for peace of mind and a loss of dignity upon redemption. You have to be savvy – sellers do their own valuations, so they can put $450 RRP on … Continue reading Masseuse de Sade
I was thinking about a new blog category entitled ‘letters to…’ This was one I wrote to meatloaf a few months ago – I still haven’t heard back. Dear Meatloaf, Eighteen years ago, I bought one of the all-time classics of American rock; namely your 1993 masterpiece “Anything for Love.” Though … Continue reading letter to the loaf
I passed three of them yesterday – all as talented as tree stumps. One was dancing badly to George Michael, another one was balancing a plastic sword on her head that was thick and flat – more like a hat, and a sitar player who was playing to backing tracks. BACKING TRACKS. I shouldn’t be bagging … Continue reading Buskers are the new beggars
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