For those who haven’t heard, my brother’s coiffeur has been the subject of a malicious, unprovoked attack that affronted not only his tiny man bun, but questioned his sense of style, his grooming habits and – dare I say it – his sanity. We are not sure yet who the hater is, but we know this much: … Continue reading Knot without my bun.
There are some questionable characters on Gumtree: I found this one in the process of selling my car. This is the story of “Ben” and what can only be described as THE reverse swindle of 2014. * In memory of Aunty Sandy’s near-swindle of 2013 and Susannah Morcombe’s very real swindle of 2006. May this give you … Continue reading How I owned a Gumtree Swindler – a series of correspondence.
I don’t know who Sandra Hill is and whether she’s laughing and making a packet, or whether she truly believes that love comes in the form of a (blessedly) thin book about randy she whales – yes, this features in the blurb. One thing is certain, though, her statement “Get ready for the time of your … Continue reading Mills and Boon have a lot to answer for.
I’ve discovered scary movies late in life: I still don’t love the ones where people’s heads are being used as punch bowls, but I don’t mind the occasional (tasteful) blood bath. This doesn’t sound that earth-shattering unless you appreciate that my childhood aversion to horror movies was less a dislike than a full-blown mental disorder. All my neuroses, I like to … Continue reading The Shining? Grade Seven? Really?
Getting out of a bad conversation is a bit like breaking up with someone with whom you’ve had a very brief, very dysfunctional, relationship. “The magic’s gone,” you want to say, “I just don’t think I can do this anymore.” Unfortunately it’s not that simple, because the person you dumped sees you with someone else … Continue reading It’s not me, it’s you.
Second only to my fear of country music is the thought that I may one day feature in a bus stop ad, my belly a timely warning against the dangers of self-indulgence, and so I try, or at least try to try to go to the gym. Sometimes this means … Continue reading Or don’t.
I’m crosstitching again. After a hiatus of 14 years, I’ve flung the craft closet doors wide open and said “come one, come all, and watch me stitch like nobody’s business.” The vehicle that makes this emancipation possible? Irony: that clear unequivocal message that says how … Continue reading Rain on your wedding day is just bad luck, Alanis.
This blog is a kind of panegyric to crappy ads – ones that make the kind of claims a less generous person might call lies. There’s so many to choose from, but here are a few of my all-time favourites: Oil of Olay can STOP AGING. You can’t make this up. Most skincare companies fall into … Continue reading Isn’t it just the worst when you buy a soiled oven.
Winning the lead role in our grade two production of Rockin’ Robin changed my life. I’d tasted the sweet nectar of acting success and I’ve been thirsty ever since. Dehydrated, it would seem, because thirteen years later twenty year old me was impersonating a vegetable at … Continue reading There’s no business like show business
I had a knee reconstruction ten years ago, and despite what the amateur thespians on the footy field would have you believe, it wasn’t that big a deal. My doctor was gruff but harmless, the anaesthetist was friendly – as would be I at that pay grade – and the … Continue reading Nurse Pol Potty and the Case of the Overflowing Bedpan: A Tale of Revenge