Oh Japan, sweet land of cherry blossom, majestic temples and bottom rinsing. I’m here, and it’s every bit as good as the infommercials. This isn’t my first rodeo, but the last time I was in Asia, I was swiftly whisked away from the airport to an island paradise where everyone spoke Asian Australian and laughed … Continue reading Konnichi wa Bitちes!
For those who haven’t heard, my brother’s coiffeur has been the subject of a malicious, unprovoked attack that affronted not only his tiny man bun, but questioned his sense of style, his grooming habits and – dare I say it – his sanity. We are not sure yet who the hater is, but we know this much: … Continue reading Knot without my bun.
Since scholarship money only extends so far, and I’ve become accustomed to a certain lifestyle (eating), I’ve taken a weekend job at *undisclosed petrol station* #humblepie. I joined for the uniform, primarily. It’s the way it sits on you. It’s the cut of the fabric, the way it takes every one of your best features … Continue reading It’s a hard knock life.
Hi Grace, You might not remember me, but I met you at Jill Landers’ party two weeks back – I was the one wearing the hessian scarf, stone-wash overalls and a shirt featuring the entire cast of Hey Dad. It was an outfit inspired by my late grandad, a humble wheat farmer, whose earthy ensembles … Continue reading I knew what epistolary meant before you.
There are some questionable characters on Gumtree: I found this one in the process of selling my car. This is the story of “Ben” and what can only be described as THE reverse swindle of 2014. * In memory of Aunty Sandy’s near-swindle of 2013 and Susannah Morcombe’s very real swindle of 2006. May this give you … Continue reading How I owned a Gumtree Swindler – a series of correspondence.
I don’t know who Sandra Hill is and whether she’s laughing and making a packet, or whether she truly believes that love comes in the form of a (blessedly) thin book about randy she whales – yes, this features in the blurb. One thing is certain, though, her statement “Get ready for the time of your … Continue reading Mills and Boon have a lot to answer for.
I’ve discovered scary movies late in life: I still don’t love the ones where people’s heads are being used as punch bowls, but I don’t mind the occasional (tasteful) blood bath. This doesn’t sound that earth-shattering unless you appreciate that my childhood aversion to horror movies was less a dislike than a full-blown mental disorder. All my neuroses, I like to … Continue reading The Shining? Grade Seven? Really?
My heart sinks whenever I get one of these invitations in the mail. Sinks. I don’t know what that says about me, but I think I’d rather get stoned to death with tictacs than have to go to one more. The worst thing about admitting that … Continue reading Bub Crawl.
Directory Assistance This “service” is a bit like the kid that sticks his fingers in his ear and starts singing the theme tune to Thomas the Tank Engine as soon as you try to talk. The other day I asked for the number for “Dominos,” and it said “Sorry did you say Auto One?” and … Continue reading 4 things that shouldn’t exist that do.
Getting out of a bad conversation is a bit like breaking up with someone with whom you’ve had a very brief, very dysfunctional, relationship. “The magic’s gone,” you want to say, “I just don’t think I can do this anymore.” Unfortunately it’s not that simple, because the person you dumped sees you with someone else … Continue reading It’s not me, it’s you.